If you’re looking for a list of things not to say to someone who’s pregnant, keep scrolling down. I have a bit of a rant that I need to get out of the way first though.
Over the past year or so, many of my friends have been having babies. I’m still going to several bridal showers and weddings a year but recently baby showers, aqeeqahs, and first birthdays have also been thrown into the mix.
Not complaining. I love babies and if any of those nosy aunties/young girls who don’t know better are reading this then please know that yes, I do want children iA. So save your comments.
Before I got married, I never really thought of how bad that one question could make someone feel. But obviously, after I tied the knot, it was the question of the hour.
Full confession: I really hate it. It makes me really uncomfortable so please don’t ask me.
Don’t bring a child in front of me and ask me why I don’t want of my own. Because you don’t know if I do, and if I didn’t (which is not the case here) why would it be any of your business?
Don’t ask my husband if I’m more career oriented than family oriented, and if that’s why we haven’t had kids yet.
Just don’t. It’s unbelievably awkward and with so many women experiencing difficulties when trying to conceive, it’s super insensitive.
Is the world obsessed with women giving birth? Of course, it is a miracle and of course, it is beautiful and I am overjoyed whenever a close friend or family member has a baby. But it’s 2014 – are we not over it? Are we not over thinking women only have one role in this world and that’s to birth heirs? The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton (fab style btw) made headlines this week because she’s expecting her second. OMG another child? Such a rarity. Is there not wars and conflicts that should be breaking news? Just doesn’t make all that much sense to me.
There’s MORE to our lives than us giving birth. For the women who can’t conceive, what kind of message we sending when we’re constantly talking about how so-and-so had a kid, so-and-so has trouble conceiving and blah blah. It’s basically telling them that hey, you’re just a baby-making machine and if you can’t conceive, then you’re pretty much worthless.
Also before people get offended, let it be clear that if you are a mother then yes, you are indeed awesome. I love my mom and I can’t wait until I’m blessed with my own little children (let’s pray they’re not nearly as annoying as I am) so this is in no way knocking everything you do.
Anyway, I’ve talked about this topic before because it is one of my biggest annoyances. I wish I was more of a fighter because there’s quite a few remarks I could make in return, but alas – I hate conflict.
This blog post is for the other side of the equation. What do people tell you once you ARE pregnant? Is this something I’ll need to brace myself for?
One of my close friends recently gave birth, and so while she was pregnant we would talk about how annoying people still are. I decided to take it to the polls, or Facebook, and asked my friends and family what people said to them when they announced they were pregnant and the answers are maddening, as to be expected.
And ladies (and gentlemen who read my blog posts – hi!) It’s not exclusive to just South Asians. The battle women fight with the conversations and comments before, during and after pregnancy is pretty much universal.
Anyway, here’s what NOT to say to someone who’s pregnant:
“OMG, you’re getting so fat!”
Oh really? Just housing/feeding another human being in this body of mine, but please go ahead and tell me something I don’t already know.
“Finally!” or “It’s about time!”
How. Freaking. Rude. You don’t know what some couples have to go through to get pregnant so let’s cut this out, Stephanie Tanner style.
“Oh, your hormones are acting up!”
“Was it planned?”
Is it any of your business?
“When I was pregnant …”
I don’t care if you craved peanut butter, pickles and ice cream at 3 AM every day for your second trimester. I also don’t care if you gained only 10 lbs during your entire pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different.
“It’s okay – you can get pregnant again!”
This was told to a friend who suffered a miscarriage and basically I want to find where this person lives and bologna their car in the middle of a hot summer day.
“You’re too young/old!”
Unless you’re a doctor you can take this question and shove it.
“Are you going to find out the gender?” followed by “Why not?!” “I would never find out the gender.”
Not your baby, not your choice. Swerve.
Did I miss anything?